I don’t like the idea of dividing things up in half, the home, child, and financial duties are for the wife while the man’s job is just to work and get a salary. It becomes an excuse for the man not to have to discipline, teach, or deal with the kids.

I even think this kind of thing is one of the factors in the “sexless” marriages here, and the declining birthrate. People have to fight if they want to make their families a priority in their lives. I’ve have had to fight to make sure that I can keep my family a priority and have enough time to be a part of my children’s lives. It means refusing invitations from superiors at work sometimes. It also may mean working at home sometimes (a rare thing for the typical “salariman”).

A lot of men are totally content with things this way. They feel powerful at work, but at home feel less empowered, so they’d rather be at work… some of them don’t feel powerful at work, but it’s a comfort zone. One of my friends who used to stay at work late eating a bento for dinner and just hanging at the office until he could find people to go out drinking with him used to say that if he went home when the family was still awake, his wife and kids would just get on his case about things and bother him. Very sad.

I don’t think all marriages are like this in Japan, but it is definitely a common pattern.

As you said George. It’s all about your priorities and how you balance them. I don’t think a person can go wrong if the focus is the family, though.

On a sidenote, everything boils down to value: money, love, family, etc.